Explaining COVID to children, and tips for any other tricky stuff……
Parenting, caring, teaching, supporting children and their families in the Year 2020 has been challenging. As families we individually experience transitions, trauma, grief and loss but as a collective we have experienced all of this together throughout 2020. Even if if we have not directly been affected, we have shared grief and loss with others.
As a professional I have provided advice and support to other professionals, families and children. There are some excellent resources to signpost to, which help to explain Covid-19 to various age groups. I will attach links to these below. I have provided support in managing anxieties and heightened emotions that the pandemic has triggered.
I know that I personally have experienced fear, anxiety and worry in the past 6 months. I have missed family, friends and colleagues. I have lost people I cared about, without the possibility of saying goodbye. I have been forced to adapt and change the way my family live and work.
On a positive note I feel strength in my relationships, bonds have grown stronger, loved ones feel closer. I have found new ways to manage stress, spent more time outdoors, less time driving. I have taken time over cooking and enjoyed trying new recipes and not felt rushed to squeeze in cooking a meal in between work and rushing off to do something else. I have found new ways of working and have continued to learn.
My resilience has been tested, as my County enters a ‘Local Lockdown’ I want to take the positives with me and feel determined to manage those unhelpful thoughts and feelings as best I can. Also, I realise that I and the rest of the world have learned a range of new vocabulary, Local Lockdown?
I am a parent of a teen, I know that he fairs better in life when equipped with the information and facts that he needs. It has been straightforward in that he is able to watch the news, ask questions, discuss the impact of Covid-19 upon our family and himself openly.
This is the approach I have always had with our son, and one parenting strategy that my partner and I have always agreed on. From the time he was old enough to ask the ‘Why’ question I have tried to give him the truth, albeit in simple terms that are age appropriate. I actually enjoyed that phase, the rhythm of those conversations, the why, the explanation, the next why and explanation and on and on. I would never grow tired of that curiosity, it is precious. Especially now as I enter the phase of the ‘teenage grunt.’
There have been difficult conversations, but when those questions are asked then I am aware that the uncomfortable feelings they raise in me are mine. They are the thoughts and feelings born of my past, my experiences, my trauma. My advice is not to avoid the question because of this, check in with yourself, own those feelings and do not let them influence your response.
There will be times when your child, or a child that you work with prompts conversations, how you respond is important.
Let your child lead the conversation, only answer the question they are asking, in simple and honest language.
Listen, stop what you are doing, show them you are taking time to listen to them and that it is important. Make eye contact if they seek it, have open, relaxed body language and a neutral expression. Show them you have listened by repeating what they have said without judgement or your own interpretation.
Acknowledge their feelings, don’t dismiss them with responses like ‘Don’t worry about that’ or ‘It will be fine’. By validating their feelings you communicate that it is good to share how they are feeling. By minimising their feelings you are communicating it’s not okay to talk about feelings, it does not help to reduce their stress, it lessens the chance that they will communicate their feelings in the future. Behaviour can then become the communicator.
Don’t lie. Simple, don’t tell them that you can keep them safe, protect them, that nothing bad will ever happen. Children seek the truth, if they don’t get it from you, they will ask elsewhere. Trust in them that they can cope with the truth and in return they will trust you. Teach them coping strategies, build resilience, make a plan together, allow yourself to be vulnerable and be honest if you don’t have all of the answers.
If the level of anxiety is impacting upon your child’s daily life, then seek help and support.
There are other times when it is the adult that has to prompt a difficult conversation. As a parent your child will look to you for help. As a professional the trust a child places in you can be fragile. The way that you model how to broach difficult, uncomfortable or scary subjects is what they will learn.
Create the right space, where and when you raise the subject matters. Choose a time when the child is calm, not tired, hungry or immediately after any heightened emotion. Choose a quiet space where you can talk without interruption. Walking side by side or sitting side by side are perfect, it’s non confrontational.
You can use tools or prompts such as stories, YouTube or television programmes to start a conversation, be curious about how they perceive it, their experiences, their opinions.
Avoid heavy lectures, make the information you are sharing ‘bite-sized’ and allow them time to think about it, they are more likely to come back and talk to you about it again.
Make it a two way conversation, listen, ask open questions, use appropriate self disclosure.
Make it clear that talking openly has helped you, that you appreciate that you can be truthful with each other. That if they want to talk about tricky things, then you will be there for them anytime and try your best to help, even when you don’t have all of the answers.
Covid Conversations
These resources can be helpful to explain Covid-19 and have what I call ‘productive conversations’ with very young children or children with Special Educational Needs.
Dave the Dog is Worried about Coronavirus is a story for young children that can be downloaded from this link produced by the NHS.
Nosycrow - Coronavirus A Book for Children is a story for children between 0 -12 years illustrated by Axel Scheffler, who also illustrated The Gruffalo.
www.bbc.co.uk/newsround has appropriate content for children who are interested in watching and following new stories.
Social stories are short descriptions that usually include visuals to support the story, they are used often in educational settings and can also be used effectively at home. The concept of the social story was developed for children on the Autistic Spectrum by Carol Gray in 1991. You will find useful information on her website carolgraysocialstories.com but I find these tools can be useful for any child.
Northumberland County Council Padlet - Support For Children and Families has some excellent resources including social stories. As do South Glos Parents & Carers Coronavirus Social Stories
One of the most important thing to me as a parent and as a professional , is to be honest. To face the difficult conversations, admit that I am not perfect, I make mistakes and hold my hand up to them. To say I might not always have all of the answers, but if I don’t I will seek them, or walk the path alongside them.
If you read this and choose to ask me for help for you or your child, I will be honest with you too.